So, this is my new blog. Folks have been upset at the fact I share everything with folks on Facebook. So that is why I am here far away, if folks want to read it , they can follow the link, if not. Life goes on. Easy Peasy.
So, Geekorium was this last weekend, Kelly and I were invited to volunteer for it. Myself, was to head a an AD&D game, to show folks that the world doesn't start with D&D 5e (Gods, I hate that system.). Sadly only a few were only keen on trying to sell books to me of their own game system, and folks talking shop. ( Talking shop with folks even with 5e was worth it.) and Kelly was assigned to the board game lending library working with a dude named Nathan ( cool fella from Hal Con's table). Was kind of disappointed in that a game never blossomed, BUT (just in case the great folks there see this.) I had a blast, the seclusion on my body issues really dampened my socialization ( miss being with folks outside here) needs. I feel so alone. So it was great Marina, Gabe and Victoria made us feel like a million bucks. Thank you.
Sadly, there was a dynamic of our gaming group has fractured, which hurts to hear. I want us all to be cool, but alas we can not. I will not go into it, as I might have gone too far. So I am thinking of stepping away from any gaming other than what I shall run. I do not want to control it, but I can not be around an negativity anymore. My depression is so deep right now, it could be considered dangerous ( to myself, never anyone else, I do not like hurting folks).
The good thing about that, is that my table when tidied up, will be open, and I do not have to travel far. As my impending disability is showing that my travels will be greatly hampered to near my home. So I better get writing then.
About the depression, I am suffering horribly about it. I had to resign from a job that , even complaining about, ultimately, I really enjoyed. I made some wonderful friends from work and parents over my 5 years there. It broke my heart and my soul. Also with my debilitating arthritis. I am bound to my apartment and soon possibly a wheelchair.
My "doctor" has not helped me with that at all in the few years it has been known that I need a total hip replacement and now seemingly knee replacements. Again, I feel alone in this. Kelly helps out as much as she can, but I hate to ask as I am a 51 yr old male, who can not walk more than a few feet before dropping (hence my resignation), I am terribly embarrassed that I had to GoFundMe a rollator. I am afraid next will be a wheelchair and other embarrassing things.
The only thing that is keeping me going, is something I experienced when I was dying from the appendix issue 8-10 years ago I had. while in a room waiting for a doctor, I had what I would think is a NDE (Near Death Experience), I will describe it, just for the folks who might be afraid of the enviable crossing we all take.
As I was in the room with Kelly, throwing my guts up, I closed my eyes, and felt warm, and a brightness through my closed eyes. the brightness grew to the the point of opening my eyes. I was in a large field, the grasses were almost hip high, brushing against me, I can still feel it, like remembering a hug from someone close ( you never forget that) anyways, the sky was twilight with a reddish orange sunset ( almost like a feeling of Autumn), it was warm though and I remembering feeling good, really GOOD, no pain at all and a happiness I have never felt in a long time. In the field before me wasn't anyone, except a tall man, old looking, almost like Sir Ian McKellen as Gandalf dressed in travelling robes, I could only guess it was as my Norse reading would say it was Odin, as the traveler. No words were said. but looking at him, I felt the typical " not right now" or " not your turn yet feeling, I then opened my eyes, back to the chilled ER room, with Kelly doing something minding her business. myself feeling back miserable in pain. I was given an Ultrasound and found that my Appendix burst, and by 23:30 that night I was able to get a job in Antarctica ( you have to have your appendix out down there.), I know I was in trouble, when a few weeks later for my follow up the surgeon told me, if I didn't come in when I did, I would have most definitely would of died at home. Jesus Christ, being told that, it scared me. BUT, I know what is waiting for me, and I can not wait ( No rush to go, just happy to know what is in store for me.) to rest. BTW, "Dr." Tilley, I asked him two weeks before the rupture, if I had a gall bladder issue as I had a pain in the right side where those different issue might have been. He told me to get my sugars under control and things will get better. Right, this is why I do not trust him at all. His stupid response almost killed me.
Wow, almost an hour in. I could keep going. I will save anything else for another day.
I hope whoever reads this is well,
Take care of yourself.
Chad "Gray" Vieth
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